In praise of caregivers

Today I celebrate caregivers.  

Caregivers are volunteer or paid persons who care for someone who is ill or disabled, and sometimes advocate for them. I especially celebrate family members who are caregivers. Of course, parents spend years as caregivers for their children. Eventually, the roles reverse, and children often become caregivers in their parents’ last years. Spouses often end up as caregivers for each other.  Chin Cheak Yu, my wife of 32 years, is now my caregiver.  

  She reminds me that her gift of caring starts with the wedding vows - "for richer, for poorer, for sickness and in health."  We are a retired clergy couple, so we are both professionals in our field, and, up until recently, we have both shared the load at home, from cooking to cleaning to finances. Not now. While I can still take care of my basic needs, my breathlessness now makes most other household tasks practically impossible. I have to move slowly to conserve energy, and the slightest exertion makes me gasp for air. Even in the last four months before retiring as a pastor, I was often calling in guest preachers, and I could hardly lead worship any longer, which was sad. I definitely need a caregiver. Once I’m listed for a lung transplant Chin Cheak will have to be ready for more intensive caregiving, especially for the three months following surgery. 

  Since retirement at the end of June, and our shift in housing location, Chin Cheak has picked up most of the cooking, grocery shopping, and household cleaning, as well as making sure I take my pills and driving me to all of my medical appointments.  She also encourages me to keep positive, to walk as much as I can and to get some sunlight, but also to lay down when I need to, and not feel bad about it. I can tell that her role is tiring. We try to get out a little each week, including doctor appointments, but it takes extra work.  Forget about going on trips.  

Where does she find the strength to keep on going?  Well, our strength is in the Lord, she says.  But of course, she also does this out of love.   She reminds me that I've loved her and especially cared for her during some very trying times in the past.  While in Singapore, I was her primary caregiver when she went through cancer treatment.  I had to modify my work schedule to be at her side during that period.  

So, thank God for family caregivers. May God have mercy also, because spouses need to take care of themselves, and may also need help with cooking and cleaning.  Couples are like a pair of feet. I broke my foot when I was a young adult. It was during a busy season at work, so I couldn’t take off. While one foot healed, I almost broke the other from stress. Caregiving spouses need to be careful not to exceed their limits, but get help where they can. That's why there are agencies who provide support for family caregivers. We are thankful that we’ve received approval for a part-time caregiver helper for cooking and household chores. Please pray that someone suitable will respond. 

I have been referencing The Lord of the Rings in the chronicling of my illness. Samwise Gamgee probably comes the closest to being a caregiver as he follows Frodo to Mordor. Frodo Baggins was Bilbo Baggins' nephew, but Bilbo actually adopted him after the untimely death of Frodo's parents.  As such, he inherited much of Bilbo's belongings, including a certain magic ring.  That's how Frodo ended up as the ring bearer in this epic adventure.  Indeed, the ring proves to be so powerful and the forces bent on taking it, or changing his course, that it makes him ill several times in the story.  Fortunately, he has Sam, his gardener from the Shire, who volunteered to go with him as a servant.  As the ring becomes more and more of a burden, Sam takes on a role something like a family caregiver.  He cooks, carries the major load, and often nurses him along.  When Frodo was wounded by one of the ring wraiths, Sam advocated for his care as they rode to Rivendell, and he sat by his bed nursing him through days of recovery. During the last days in the harsh environment of Mordor, Sam had to constantly coach him along, because the burden of the ring was literally making Frodo sick. 

I love the story in the gospels where some people came to Jesus with a paralytic, but the crowd around the house was so thick that they had to go up through the roof (Mark 2:1-12). Jesus commended them for their faith.  It looks like the whole family and/or neighborhood were acting as his caregivers, seeing to his needs and clearly advocating on his behalf. Indeed, their faith in action paid off, as Jesus healed him. 

Thanks to all who have prayed for me or checked in with me.  My immediate goal is to regain some weight. Hopefully a two-week course of antibiotics and the TCM doctor will help me in that direction.  Most of us have the privilege at some point of being a caregiver. So the challenges are not unfamiliar. Pray for those currently bearing the responsibility of providing care for a loved one. Like the paralytic of the gospels, may their faith in action be answered by God’s grace.