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Showing posts from 2023

Acts of giving thanks (Guest Writer: Walt Martzen)

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I've asked my son Walter to write a short thank you to everyone as well as further share my meal train link. Please enjoy, and happy holidays! My parents and I have felt your love, thank you! 💓 Something I observe is that in our modern world, simple acts can get overlooked in their ability to convey the most intimate and life-sustaining messages. Acts like these can seem simplistic or cliché or mushy or redundant, but they aren’t. They are the building blocks of connection, relationships, family, and community. It’s why my dad’s persimmon cookies don’t taste the same when someone else makes them, or why my mom’s soups really do seem to have magical elixir properties. When the spirit of God is with us, so is the spirit with the presence, gifts, and service that we make.  This might be new information for some, but my dad began at-home hospice recently to match his increasing medical needs. It's been a difficult new adventure for him and all of us, with many challenges yet oppor

Aragorn and the vocation of lament

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We first meet Aragorn as a tall, scruffy-looking guy, lurking in the shadows at the Prancing Pony, where Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin, just beginning their journey, had stopped in for the night.  Initially in  Lord of the Rings , Aragorn was known to the locals only as Strider, probably because of his long legs. Since little else was known about him, it was assumed he was up to no good. Barliman Butterbur, the proprietor,  advised the hobbits to steer clear of him. Ironically, the man turns out to the direct descendent of Isildur, one of the great kings of old, and he was not just lurking in the shadows.  He and his Dunedain clan had been watching over and protecting the region from rising forces of evil, until that day when his true vocation would be revealed. Most of us have have had jobs of some sort to make money, to put food on the table, and a house where you can put the table.  But a vocation is a perspective that gives meaning to our activity, whether it makes money or not. The

In praise of caregivers

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Today I celebrate caregivers.   Caregivers are volunteer or paid persons who care for someone who is ill or disabled, and sometimes advocate for them. I especially celebrate family members who are caregivers. Of course, parents spend years as caregivers for their children. Eventually, the roles reverse, and children often become caregivers in their parents’ last years. Spouses often end up as caregivers for each other.  Chin Cheak Yu, my wife of 32 years, is now my caregiver.     She reminds me that her gift of caring starts with the wedding vows - "for richer, for poorer, for sickness and in health."  We are a retired clergy couple, so we are both professionals in our field, and, up until recently, we have both shared the load at home, from cooking to cleaning to finances. Not now. While I can still take care of my basic needs, my breathlessness now makes most other household tasks practically impossible. I have to move slowly to conserve energy, and the slightest exertion m

Merry, Pippin and agency

I enjoy watching Meriadoc "Merry" Brandybuck and Peregrine "Pippin" Took mature in Tolkien’s  Lord of the Rings  saga.  More than anyone else, these two young hobbits who follow Frodo and Sam from the Shire in their quest to return the ring, develop a strong sense of agency that makes important contributions to the plot.   Unlike other hobbits, Merry and Pippin actually looked forward to the adventure, though they had little idea of what they were getting into.  Nevertheless, for much of the story, they see themselves as useless baggage, because they don't have much experience, they don’t quite get the seriousness of the journey, and they make some unfortunate blunders.   Things changed when, through a series of mishaps, they ended up instigating the Ents (tree herders) to take on Saruman, the great wizard who was clearcutting the forest. From there they each ended up pledging service to the allied leaders, the King of Rohan for Merry and the Steward of Gondor f

CLOC Club and adapting to the ongoing adventure

I recently received an invitation to a reunion for the CLOC Club.  That invitation took me back to the school year, 1976-77.  It was my second year at Reedley College.  Reedley is a Jr. or Community college, and it easy access for those of us who hadn't quite made up their minds yet, or just needed to save some money.  It took just 15 minutes to drive there from my parents' home.  That year I was also president of the CLOC Club. The letters stand for Christian Living on Campus, and its a chapter of Intervarsity Christian Fellowship.  We met twice a week for large group meetings and small group Bible study.  We also held several events, a weekend camp and a street theatre presentation of Noah's Ark by the Lamb's Players of San Diego.  While many of my friends scattered to distant regions after Reedley College, many of the CLOC Club members from those days stayed in close contact, and we tried to get together periodically.   I was happy for this invitation.  The reunion i

Conservation of Energy

My new phrase: conserve energy.   Yesterday we met with the Palliative Medicine folks at Kaiser Bellflower.  They gave us a lot of attention, heard my story, offered resources, invited us to call or message them with any further queries, and got me a wheelchair.  Conserve your energy, the doctor said. Don't walk if you don't have to.    Palliative care is not the same as hospice, which is for the patients who are not expected to live much longer. Because my goal remains to get a lung transplant, palliative care provides more holistic care to ensure my well-being along the way.  I am grateful that Kaiser has a palliative care department.  There are no drastic changes in my condition.  I can sense a slight deterioration of my lung condition, though the Traditional Chinese Medicine doctor is helping me sleep better.  I will be investigating another gut issue, whether I have small intestine bacterial overgrowth (SIBO). We opted to go for the test before going through a round of ant

The seige of Gondor and my health condition

Possibly the darkest part point in the Lord of the Rings trilogy occurs in chapter 4 of third volume, The Return of the King .  The great city of Gondor is under siege. From the standpoint of Pippin, one of four Hobbits who were part of the expedition of the Ring, it must have appeared hopeless.  Sworn to serve the Steward of of City since his arrival with Gandalf, he has been able to observe the siege. Led by the chief of the Nazgul, the enemy has swarmed and burned the fields around the city and breached the first wall. The Riders of the Rohan, who were supposed to come to Gondor's aid, have not yet shown up.  Aragorn, who was expected to come and claim his rightful authority, has disappeared into the fateful paths of the dead.  Frodo is rumored to be wandering in dangerous territory on the edge of Mordor. Pippin has also watched with alarm the Lord Denethor's shift from pessimism to despairing fatalism when his remaining son, Faramir, is brought to him unconscious after fal

The Phial of Galadriel and my pulmonary journey

 I have been a fan of J.R.R. Tolkien since my late teens when a church friend handed me a copy of the Fellowship of the Ring . In the decades since, I must have read the Lord of the Rings trilogy at least five times, along with The Hobbit .  I'm always drawn to the strange adventures of Bilbo Baggins, and later, his nephew, Frodo. My imagination is captured by Tolkien's lyric narrative and poetry. Caught up the heroic journeys, I can be distracted from my own struggles and relax for a while.  But this time, I realize that I'm also identifying with their fears and anxieties, because I'm dealing intensely with my own fears and anxieties, as I struggle with multiple health issues, including pulmonary fibrosis, weight loss, and increased anxiety that is directly related to my health.  I've coined the phrase "startle dream" to describe the experience of a sleepless night when I start to drift off to sleep, but then awaken with a start from a recurring dream, l

Sacrament of pain: Health update - August 11, 2023

 Though I am now retired from the United Methodist itinerant ministry, I remain an ordained clergy and theologian, with a particular orientation toward the sacramental.  There are specific sacraments, by which outward signs communicate and convey inward grace, such as baptism and the Lord’s Supper. But I also see sacramentality in many other aspects of life that can be windows into the life and love of God.  Even our own bodies, in sickness and health, can be means of glimpsing the heart of God, who in Jesus Christ, took on the suffering of the world. Pain may be a sacrament. I sometimes pray this prayer from the Order of Saint Luke daily office. Lord of Life: Give us courage to realize your love, justice, and compassion. May we recognize the needs of this world as your needs,  our pain as your pain,   and all people as your people so that, for the sake of the Gospel,  we may risk self-giving action and devoted service to your Name. Amen. When we recognize in our own pain that God

Health Update: August 3, 2023

I  played hooky from church last Sunday.  It’s because we were at the Emergency Room at Kaiser on Sunset.  I kidded with the triage nurse that Sunday morning seemed to be a good time, because the waiting room was half empty.  “Unofficially, yes,” he said as he strapped me in for the EKG.  They wheeled me into a room and I got to see the ER doctor within 30 minutes of arriving.  Well, it wasn’t a light-hearted trip.  Here’s the deal.  As of Sunday morning, I had not slept for three days.  Every time I started to doze off, I would startle with anxious thoughts.  This seems to have been a trend in the last few weeks.  Is my anxiety disorder really kicking in this bad.  It rarely kept me awake in the past.  Then it finally dawned on me that my semi-conscious brain was telling that I dare not go to sleep, because I would not be able to breath.  We take breathing for granted, but with a restrictive lung disease, it takes more conscious effort to inhale.  So I was unable to relax even layin

Health update: July 28

 Here is the latest. Last week we heard from the transplant team at the UCLA Medical Center.  I have been dropped from the program due to my gastric problem and weight loss, but they assured me that once that is resolved, I could be reinstated, and hopefully placed on the wait list asap.  Needless to say, my primary focus is on that weight gain.  I've had several important conversations recently with a nutritionist and the gastroenterology doctor to help me get me weight up again.  The nutritionist basically reminded me to eat 4-5 caloric rich meals each day. The gastroenterologist also highlighted that my body is working overtime, so my I'm more tense and constantly burning calories.  Pray for me, that I can be relaxed enough and welcoming of those nutrients, so can get back with the UCLA program.  Pray also for Chin Cheak as she has taken on most of the household chores as well as caring for me. 

Retirement and Lung Disease - The New Journey

Retirement is a wonderful achievement.  Of course, people in ministry "never" retire, but I am retiring from the itinerant ministry.  I’ve worked hard and had a lot of amazing experiences, so I figured I’ve earned my golden egg. But retirement is itself a new journey, and mine has begun with splendid send-offs, as well as a rather anticlimactic downsizing, and enough medical challenges to last more than one retirement. Let me explain. The ramp-up to my July 1 retirement began with a full house at Sage Granada Park UMC’s Hawaiian themed lunch on May 20, with tributes from just about everyone including the Language School Taiko drummers and Mission area friends.  Even the District Superintendent was there.  What a joy! I was so grateful for the outpouring of love. I also had my last chapel with the Nursery School kids, and they gave me a wonderful tribute.  In June, I attended the Conference Celebration of Ministry dinner and then Chin Cheak’s retirement dinner.  The celebrat