George Martzen "georgos"

 I have been a fan of J.R.R. Tolkien since my late teens when a church friend handed me a copy of the Fellowship of the Ring . In the decades since, I must have read the Lord of the Rings trilogy at least five times, along with The Hobbit .  I'm always drawn to the strange adventures of Bilbo Baggins, and later, his nephew, Frodo. My imagination is captured by Tolkien's lyric narrative and poetry. Caught up the heroic journeys, I can be distracted from my own struggles and relax for a while.  But this time, I realize that I'm also identifying with their fears and anxieties, because I'm dealing intensely with my own fears and anxieties, as I struggle with multiple health issues, including pulmonary fibrosis, weight loss, and increased anxiety that is directly related to my health.  I've coined the phrase "startle dream" to describe the experience of a sleepless night when I start to drift off to sleep, but then awaken with a start from a recurring dream, l

 Though I am now retired from the United Methodist itinerant ministry, I remain an ordained clergy and theologian, with a particular orientation toward the sacramental.  There are specific sacraments, by which outward signs communicate and convey inward grace, such as baptism and the Lord’s Supper. But I also see sacramentality in many other aspects of life that can be windows into the life and love of God.  Even our own bodies, in sickness and health, can be means of glimpsing the heart of God, who in Jesus Christ, took on the suffering of the world. Pain may be a sacrament. I sometimes pray this prayer from the Order of Saint Luke daily office. Lord of Life: Give us courage to realize your love, justice, and compassion. May we recognize the needs of this world as your needs,  our pain as your pain,   and all people as your people so that, for the sake of the Gospel,  we may risk self-giving action and devoted service to your Name. Amen. When we recognize in our own pain that God

I  played hooky from church last Sunday.  It’s because we were at the Emergency Room at Kaiser on Sunset.  I kidded with the triage nurse that Sunday morning seemed to be a good time, because the waiting room was half empty.  “Unofficially, yes,” he said as he strapped me in for the EKG.  They wheeled me into a room and I got to see the ER doctor within 30 minutes of arriving.  Well, it wasn’t a light-hearted trip.  Here’s the deal.  As of Sunday morning, I had not slept for three days.  Every time I started to doze off, I would startle with anxious thoughts.  This seems to have been a trend in the last few weeks.  Is my anxiety disorder really kicking in this bad.  It rarely kept me awake in the past.  Then it finally dawned on me that my semi-conscious brain was telling that I dare not go to sleep, because I would not be able to breath.  We take breathing for granted, but with a restrictive lung disease, it takes more conscious effort to inhale.  So I was unable to relax even layin