Health Update: August 3, 2023

I  played hooky from church last Sunday.  It’s because we were at the Emergency Room at Kaiser on Sunset.  I kidded with the triage nurse that Sunday morning seemed to be a good time, because the waiting room was half empty.  “Unofficially, yes,” he said as he strapped me in for the EKG.  They wheeled me into a room and I got to see the ER doctor within 30 minutes of arriving. 

Well, it wasn’t a light-hearted trip.  Here’s the deal.  As of Sunday morning, I had not slept for three days.  Every time I started to doze off, I would startle with anxious thoughts.  This seems to have been a trend in the last few weeks.  Is my anxiety disorder really kicking in this bad.  It rarely kept me awake in the past.  Then it finally dawned on me that my semi-conscious brain was telling that I dare not go to sleep, because I would not be able to breath.  We take breathing for granted, but with a restrictive lung disease, it takes more conscious effort to inhale.  So I was unable to relax even laying down. That’s something to be anxious about, to say the least. 

I told Chin Cheak on Saturday night that it was very distressed and exhausted.  I couldn’t breath well, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat and I was continuing to lose weight.  “We need help,” I said, meaning that we need to go to the hospital.  We agreed to go first thing in the morning.  A friend drove us.  I was starting to think crazy, recalling my mother, who had cancer and pulmonary fibrosis checked into he hospital that last time.  They put her on a ventilator, which requires sedation.  She never woke up. That’s what I was thinking.  Just me put on a ventilator. 

The ER doctor asked a good question: What do expect to get out of this visit?  Rather than naming one thing, or giving a grocery shopping list, I gave him a range.  “On the extreme end, you could put me on a ventilator.” Part of me was wishing he would say, “O sure, let’s get you prepped for that now.” Then I generalized the rest of the range – something to help relax my lungs, so I can sleep, so I can eat and gain weight and get ready for lung transplant. 

We both concurred that the ventilator option was a no-go.  My first pulmonary doctor had already warned about that that option.  Then he ordered a short-term steroid treatment and nebulizer for daily albuterol treatment, a bronchial dilator. 

I did get some sleep Sunday night, probably because I was so wiped out.  That doesn’t mean I’m no longer short of breath. The disease process continues.  It is still distressing at times.  I still have difficulty sleeping.  I trust God is doing a healing work, though I don’t know the timeline or means. Henri Nouwen says that one thing suffering can do for us is to drive us out of isolation, to seek help in community and network.  So I trying to learn how to work the Kaiser system, and also to talk more about my condition to others, including my wife. 

Continue to pray that I can sleep and recover some weight and recognize God’s healing grace in my body.